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  • Writer's pictureMichael Sauls

Can't Catch a Kayak

I had this dream last night. It was so surreal that I had to write it down and share it. I don't usually dream about celebrities, but I did this time which is part of what made the dream so memorable. Just know that all of the events depicted are fictional.

I woke up in the Australia room. At least, that is what my host had called it. The large king-size bed was arguably the most comfortable thing that I'd ever slept on, but the sun's rays had sneaked past the slats of the blinds in the window and caught my eyes. It was supposed to be a rare day, mostly sunny during the season when overcast skies tend to rule the days.

I looked around the room, still beautiful in the wan light. The east wall was a mural of the aborigine Dreamtime, endless curves and circles painted in brown, orange, yellow, and red. A Dreamtime kangaroo hopped across the wall.

Over the bed's headboard, five boomerangs were hanging on the wall. The west wall had paintings of koala bears, and there was a didgeridoo leaning against the corner. I thought a house plant would have been more appropriate there, but who was I to quibble. It wasn't my house.

My wife woke up and looked at me, bleary-eyed and annoyed. "What?" she asked.

"I'm going down to the lake. Do you want to come?" I asked.

"No, I want to sleep a little longer," she mumbled. She rolled over and hid her face from the sunbeams shining into the room and hitting her now as well.

I got up, brushed my teeth, and put on my swim trunks. I did not want to disturb my host, so I tried to sneak outside quietly. I was opening the large glass door that led out and made a creaking sound that could have woken up people in the graveyard five miles away.

The door opened right up to a lovely view of the lake. A long well-maintained dock stretched out into the waters of Lake Michigan. Three boats tied up at the docks. I don't know much about boats, but one of them looked like a bass boat, sleek and low to the water, with a big motor on the back. There was a pontoon boat and a larger boat that I guessed to be around thirty feet long.

I went down the stairs to the rocky beach. Jean Claude Van Damme was already down there messing with two kayaks. He looked up from his task, gave me a nod, but didn't say anything. Instead, he turned his attention back to whatever he was doing.

I found a third kayak. It was a sit-in with a life jacket shoved inside. I strapped on the life jacket and walked over to a rack built next to the dock with many paddles hanging on it. I chose one that looked the correct length for me and turned back to the kayak.

Jean walked over and grabbed the kayak I planned to use by the drag string. "Dibs," he said. Then he started dragging it over to the other two kayaks.

"Hey, I wanted to use that one," I said.

"I said dibs. I got dibs on those two as well."

"What the fuck," I said. I was feeling a little angry. I considered pushing the issue when someone walked up and put a hand on my shoulder.

I turned around to see who it was and was surprised to see Johnny Depp had snuck up on me. I'm not sure how he managed the feat. Between the door and the noise of my feet on the dock when I came out of the house, the man must have been as stealthy as a ninja.

"Morning," said Johnny. "Jean Claude, you're being a dick, you know?"

"There's more in the boathouse," Jean said. He dragged the three kayaks and waded out into the frigid water of the lake. He started swimming, pulling the three boats behind him with a rope.

"He isn't even going to ride in them," I said.

"He does this shit every morning," Depp said. He pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. He popped one out of the pack and offered one to me.

I shook my head. "No thanks. I don't smoke."

"Neither do I." He tapped the cigarette down into the pack and stuck it back in his shirt pocket. "They're cloves."

"Cloves?" I asked. I was as confused by the desire to smoke cloves as I was by the Ecig crowd. I thought to each their own.

The gate to the yard opened, and Kid Rock walked in. He looked like he was focused on something essential and overlooked Jean Claude, who was now almost to the end of the dock swimming enthusiastically or me and Depp.

"Hey, I thought you were heading into town, you degenerate," said Depp. He blew out a long puff of smoke after he said it. Johnny and I both walked toward our host.

"I am," Kid said. "I forgot something." He started rummaging through some cabinets at the back of the house. They were made of plastic and seemed to contain all manner of tools. He found what he was looking for a black rectangle of plastic about six inches long with buttons.

"Um, Mr. Rock, you still have a sticker on your new shirt," I said.

Kid Rock looked at me; then, he set the mysterious object down on a shelf in the cabinet. "Didn't I tell you to quit calling me that? Just call me Bobby," he said. He began hunting around his shirt until he found the sticker on the back of his sleeve. He peeled it off and rolled the plastic sticker into a small ball, and then he pointed at me. "You know that is what I like about you, Mike. If you see someone is about to embarrass themselves, you give them a heads up, unlike this dickhead." Kid Rock then threw the small plastic wad at Depp's head. It bounced off his forehead, and then it fell to the ground.

Depp laughed, "You got that right. It's more fun that way."

Rock shook his head and smiled. "Peace, I'm out of here. I'll be back in about an hour. You want me to pick something up while I'm out?"

"Donuts," said Johnny.

"You know Jean, don't eat that shit," said Kid.

"Who gives a fuck. He keeps hogging all the kayaks," Johnny said.

Bobby didn't say anything in response. He snorted, shook his head, and then he waved his hand. After that, he headed out the gate carrying whatever the box with buttons was.

Dream interpretation: I believe that images from dreams are trying to tell us something. After I wrote this down, I decided to analyze it and deduce its meaning. Dreaming of waking up in a strange bed usually represents consequences for past decisions. The bed is very comfortable, which can be a warning that there are opportunities I could miss if I allow myself to be complacent. My sleeping wife in the dream indicates that things are happening that I am not aware of, and I need to pay more attention. The mural of Dreamtime shows spiritual inspiration, and the kangaroo in the house represents my adventurous spirit. Boomerangs are symbols of Karma or cause and effect, which reinforces the image of waking up in a strange bed. There were five boomerangs which is the number associated with freedom and adventure, supporting the kangaroo symbol in the room. I think the implications of this part of the dream are pretty straightforward. My spirit is reminding me of my adventurous spirit and saying that I need to pay attention or I might miss a great opportunity. It isn't a time to get too comfortable.

I noticed three motorboats and three kayaks. There are also three celebrities in my dream. Three is also a very spiritual number representing the holy trinity and creation. To see three trinities in the same vision of three distinct groups is like my dream is practically shouting trinity at me. I feel that the three sets of trinity represent past, present, and future. Motorboats are the past, kayaks are the present, and celebrities are the future. Boats express feelings and emotions, and having them tied to a dock represents tough times. I think that this is a reference to the emotional trauma of my past. Dreaming about Jean taking the kayak and swimming off with it is another reference to opportunity. I think my dream is again saying there is an opportunity that I might miss if I don't stand up for myself.

Dreaming of becoming friends with celebrities means that good things are afoot. Once again, that opportunity coming to my way symbology is there. I think the spirits are trying to say something important. The bit about Jean Claude Van Damme is troubling, but I didn't get the sense of hostility from him in that confrontation. It was more like an insensitive and frustrating exchange between friends. He called dibs before running off with the kayak, which is something a friend would do taking something that you want. Even the insults thrown in the dream had the feel of camaraderie about them. They were like the insults that friends make towards one another, sometimes without meaning anything negative by the exchange. Still, Jean took my ride in the dream, indicating that I need to rely on my strength or decide on a new course of action to get out on the water, which again symbolizes opportunity. I think this dream is running real heavy with symbols of opportunity.

Interpreting dreams is a hobby that I got into because mine are often so vivid and carry a sense of meaning when I have them. If you are interested in interpreting your dream, please send me a written account of your dream to . I will attempt to give you my honest assessment but bear in mind that I am just an amateur in interpretation. I do not have any special training, just a knack for it.

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