How a Socially Awkward Chubby Guy Found Love
The Man With No Game
If you were going to make an important life-changing decision like choosing to start a business or buying a house would you ask advice about it from someone who has never done it or would you ask someone who has a successful track record? It is funny how people will ask for advice or will check the reviews, before picking a restaurant or buying a ten-dollar item online, but they won’t do it for their love life.
I’ve been a happily married man for many years. I’ve raised a family and built a career, but I wasn’t always so blessed. I was once a socially awkward unpopular kid. Girls never gave me a chance. Being a nerd maybe a little more socially acceptable now, but when I was in high school it basically meant that I got no dates.
So if you are reading this thinking I am going to tell you some great secrets to help you pick someone up or that I’m going to do a review of the best dating app I’m sorry to disappoint. I don’t know any secrets to help you meet a lot of people, but I can tell you how I met the right person.
Avoid Toxic Relationships
I struggled with relationships, I did not meet many women so I did what a lot of guys do in my situation, I settled. I went into relationships that I knew were not right for me and suffered because of them. So my first tip to meeting the right person is to stop settling for being with the wrong person. You may think that being alone is worse than being with someone who mistreats you but I assure you it is not.
Set Your Boundaries
One thing that having a few bad relationships taught me is that there are things that should be off-limits. You cannot be alright with whatever stupid things that people pull in a relationship. You have to be willing to stand up for yourself. Decide what you are not willing to tolerate and if it happens end it. It’s ok to let people know what your rules are from the beginning, but once those boundaries are established stick to them.
This is really important to maintaining your physical and mental health. I’ve witnessed some horrific things come from other people’s bad relationships and experienced a few of my own. You are never going to make an abusive person change their ways. No matter how many times they apologize they won’t stop their bad behavior.
One acquaintance of mine was married to a serial cheater. She complained but forgave him again and again. It wasn’t until he gave her an incurable venereal disease that she finally left him. Don’t be that person. Protect yourself and your family by avoiding toxic relationships.
Decide What You Want
Before you can find the right person for you, you need to figure out what you really want. So imagine the kind of person that you want to be with. Now take that mental list and ask yourself honestly about what items are really important on it. Make a list with three columns. You can personalized however you like. It might say something like physical, mental, and emotional or superficial, kind of important, and necessary. It’s your list so you figure it out.
So let’s say that Jane Doe makes this list and she puts down, six-pack abs, great hair, and a nice car in column A. In column B she puts an intelligent and good sense of humor and in column C she puts loyal and kind.
So which things on that list are the most important? If John Doe ticks everything on the checklist but he is a cheater and commits domestic violence against Jane all the rest is no good. The point of this exercise is to figure out what is really important to you. You will probably find that what you need is the opposite of those things which are off-limits for you.
Think about it like this. If you go to the shoe store and you have something in mind to buy then you will walk past all the shoes that obviously don’t sui8t your tastes. Eventually, you find a pair of shoes that you like but they do not have them in your size. You move on till you find another pair that you like but when you try them on they are very uncomfortable. The smart thing would be to move on. It is more important for your feet is to be comfortable than to have super cute shoes. Finding the right shoes might mean checking multiple stores or putting your size on special order but you and your feet will be more satisfied if you look for the right shoes for your feet.
Attitude Is Everything
Next envision the kind of person who is with your perfect match. Do you see yourself standing there or someone else? If you cannot see yourself holding their hand ask yourself why? Try to be as honest with yourself as you can about this. If there is something you see holding you back identify it because it is here that I want you to think about what the best version of you looks like.
The first step to becoming a better version of yourself is to decide you want to do it. Now I want you to think about what is hurting your self-confidence and think of ways to improve. If you are out of shape are you willing to start working out? If there is some information that you lack are you willing to take a class? If you don’t have much money is there a way to improve your career choices? Find ways to make yourself better and you will boost your confidence, become more successful, and more attractive.
Communication is Key
I already mentioned that I was socially awkward as a youngster. I was and to an extent still am pretty shy. Talking to strangers had never been comfortable for me but when I would try to talk to girls I completely fell apart. If you want to improve get ready to step outside of your comfort zone.
I won’t say that I’ve ever learned the gift of gab. I don’t know if that’s possible for a person like me but I have improved. Make a point of talking to people and I mean all kinds of people. Learning the art of small talk takes practice but it is worth it. It wouldn’t hurt to read a book about developing small talk.
The point is that when you do finally meet the right person you don’t want to miss the opportunity because you cannot work up the nerve to speak with them. Desensitize yourself to that fear of talking to strangers by doing. Use common sense of course. You don’t want to creep anyone out or get yourself hurt. Pick safe situations to interact with others. Make a point of being nice to the person at the store or to the janitor mopping the hall. Always be positive.
Develop friendships with people, be positive, and be willing to help others. If you want to be with a good person then become a good person. Who knows the love of your life could be connected to one of your new friends. A lot of people meet through introductions.
Everything and everyone is connected. You need to tap into that power through networking. The more good you put out into the world, the more will come back to you.
Be generous with your time, talent and treasure. I know that it is hard to do but kindness is an attractive quality. It does not come naturally to everyone but if you want to find love then you need to give some away. Love is a verb. It is something that we do not something that we possess.
Self Improvement Leads to Self Confidence
To sum up, self-confidence is very attractive and the lack thereof will drive people away. No one wants to be around whiners that always doubt themselves.
Don’t mistake confidence for arrogance though. Arrogance is also an unattractive quality. You have to strike a careful balance. The secret to finding the right person is to stop looking for the right person. Stop trying to make romantic partners into something that they are not. Instead try to improve yourself. Try to become the kind of person that your future romantic partner deserves and love will find you before you know it.